Author Photo
A lot of emotional freight goes into an author photo. Especially when you’re no longer in the dewy blush of youth, nor even the womanly glow of advanced middle age. So I’m confessing that my photo will need work.
Since I’m a writer of mysteries and thrillers, I require a diabolical look, with perhaps an edge of mystery. When my debut novel enters the world, I would like my readers to take a second look at my image and open my book with shivery anticipation.
But I’m also aiming for gravitas and maturity, plus a look of slight contempt for those pretenders who are 21 years old and have snagged Random House.
Caramel blonde is my current hair color.
“Make me gorgeous,” I say to the professional photographer.
“You are gorgeous,” my husband and photographer say in unison. (That’s their job.)
“Please don’t turn me into Barbie,” I implore.
“Don’t worry,” my photographer says. “I will enhance your photos to bring out your own natural beauty.”
Many years ago, before I needed enhancement, I wrote a book called How to Play Bridge with your Spouse … and Survive.
Male bridge partners are notorious for their man-is-the-captain attitudes toward their wives at the bridge table. This was my revenge book.
My publisher (a male bridge player), without consulting me, slapped a candid photo of me on the cover, taken at a bridge tournament with my husband.
Not my most captivating look. Don’t get me wrong—I didn’t expect Miss America on the cover, but nor did I expect Mrs. Frankenstein oozing oil from my pores.
In those days I was naïve.
The final gallery of new pictures knocks me off my feet. After all these years I’ve morphed into a teenager! There isn’t one wrinkle, one hair out of place, or one stain on my teeth. My neck is as smooth as a baby’s butt.
I’m so traumatized that my first impulse is to send the entire batch back and ask for the raw originals, dark molars and all. My (long-suffering) husband urges me to take a moment. Reconsider.
Why is there such an obsession with looking youthful? If a wrinkle shows up on my author photo, will fewer people read my novel? Can someone with rheumy pink eyes craft a perfect plot? Who invites a gray-haired yellow-toothed turkey-necked debut author to join—well anything?
Perhaps I don’t want to suffer the fate of wise old women everywhere: Become invisible.
When I’m asked to provide an author photo for a Spring Writes festival, I agonize before selecting the perfect image. By the time I’ve reduced the photo to the size they ask for, I have to confess that the result gives me a goose bump of happiness.
Perhaps on the cover of my next book, I shall go for a natural hair color, namely, a look of nature: sea-foam green.
