Enter the Publicist

I’ll make you famous, he told me.

I hired him, not because of the fame, but because this was a man with dreams about my future. I hired him because he was cheap by publicist standards. (If you think that sounds weird, look up Publicists: Cost.)  I hired him because the number of things I had to do was Infinity. Please know that as a former math teacher, I’m not one to bandy about Infinity, but oh! There was an infinite list...

If you’re at this stage, with a newly self-published novel, you know the drill: the dreaded social media; the obligatory reviews; bargain ebooks; author pages; book clubs, podcasts; website; keywords, ad nauseam.

There was also the small matter of writing the next novel, as part of my fledgling writing-career. [Joke.]

Anyway, during a personal mental-health improvement day, I hired Jake, the publicist. Lucky for me, I could afford it.

The great benefit of Jake was his flexibility. I’m a vintage author beyond a certain age, and my gallivanting days are over. My book tours will be virtual and my book clubs will be mostly Zoom. The emphasis on Jake’s mandate was low-key and I declared I would happily do my own blogs. Jake and I came up with a four-pronged plan: Website, Amazon, Social media, and Content.

Jake assumed the title of Manager, and he came with various teams: Website, Marketing, and Amazon teams. Go teams! I yelled from the sidelines.

So we started with an assessment of my website, my pride and joy, created by me, myself, with an exuberant flair, and joy in my programming prowess. I used Squarespace, which was pretty straightforward, and made my site dance with colors, fabulous backgrounds, sunsets, poetry, and jewel-like stars in a velvety black sky. I deployed creepy dark gray on the thriller pages and forest green on the page with my short-story thriller, my first published fiction. My website gave me joy, and I updated it myself. When I self-published my thriller A Reluctant Spy, I splashed a giant front cover onto my Home page, with all its reviews and accolades and glowing glory. Of course I did. If I didn’t do it, who would?

Home Page!

How to Play Bridge With Your Spouse…and Survive!

Jake gave my website his Professional Publicist Eagle Eye.

“Your website is a mess,” he said. “Any prospective reader looking you up will be hit with the jumble of your Home page and will run in the opposite direction. They will ask themselves how could anyone with such a disorderly mind write a smart thriller? They would go and buy someone else’s book. Why would anyone sign up for your newsletter? First of all, they would have to go wading through the weeds to find the signup page, and after signing up—IF they signed up—there’d be no reward at the end of the rainbow.

“There are no incentives on your website,” Jake said. “How are you going to lure readers in?”

Sadly, with my jumbled thoughts churning, I agreed to allow my Website Team to create a dummy website for me, one that would be professional and eye-catching, and—most importantly—preserve my personality. The last thing I wanted was a publicist who’d turn me into a shadow of my former self.

The Website Team sent me some sample websites to consider, all muted blues and grays, featuring ancient men with bald pates and distinguished sideburns.

“How about some vintage women?” I implored Jake. “And is it not possible to be professional with red and purple? Please relay some flamboyance vibes to our Website Team.”

Our Marketing Team took care of the Social Media content, creating reels and animated jigsaw puzzles posts, featuring A Reluctant Spy in some wonderful way-out posts beyond anything I could have produced myself. How my book danced in its banners, and my protagonist hid, wide-eyed and terrified, in the shadows. My book sounded scary and brilliant and made me want to read it. Who was this writer? I certainly hadn’t heard of her.

And now for the Amazon Team, because there’s always an Amazon event that threatens to sink the whole operation.

A few months ago—pre-Jake—I tried to set up Amazon ads for my spy novel. To do this, I went through Amazon and selected a generous amount of advertising where I’d be charged so much per click. Everyone advised me to do it. Amazon is the company we love to hate, but when their ads work, your book flies off the shelves. Or so I was told.

After a month, I’d seen no evidence of ads on Amazon, other than its usual page with my covers and blurbs. Where did my ads go? What was going on?

Jake told me that my Amazon Team would get on it. They went in and tried to track down those elusive Amazon ads. What they found instead was that my account had been suspended and I was now a persona non grata on Amazon. Why? Because my novel had been published by KDP, and instead of going through KDP to set up my ads, I had gone through Amazon. Who knew? That “error” appeared to be enough to bar me for life. My team spent endless hours trying to contact an Amazon person, which—as I’ve learned before many times—was impossible. What they got instead was an increasingly annoying level of bots, sending me unpleasant messages, like the one below:

Hello from Amazon Advertiser Support,

My name is Ivannia and I'm glad to assist you with your case.

I understand your concern regarding your Ads Account status.

According to our specialized team, advertising is currently not supported for the products you've selected. To launch campaigns, register with Author Central. https://author.amazon.com/

Thank you!
...............................................................
Were you satisfied with the support provided?

I forwarded it to Jake, who replied, “Leave this to our team. I don’t want you to have even one ounce of stress.” His optimism was itself distressing. It discouraged me from writing back that I already had one pound of stress.  It seemed cruel to put a dent in his enthusiasm, because his earnestness and upbeat nature were endearing. Despite setbacks, he projected constant excitement about the novel and his teams.

Amazon is a fortress, and even Jake and his can-do Amazon Team are, for now, defeated. As of this writing, the Amazon ads puzzle has not been solved. The whole situation, including my original crime in this matter is opaque. The latest message to me from Amazon when we attempted another route to access the ad creation:

We've suspended your account because of suspicious activity in 16 countries.

Yikes, you are now reading the blog of an international criminal!

I know that Jake and his teams have a wide reach, but their tentacle arms will never reach Amazon…

So, to sum up, has my publicist made a difference in my marketing life? The answer is absolutely yes. I like Jake. His unalloyed enthusiasm for promoting my novel is uplifting. His work creating content, reviews, press releases, and social-media reels is wonderful. It opens up space for me to focus on my email newsletter, blogs, and Facebook account, to keep me in touch with my readers.

And to be honest, the team’s sample website pages force me to look snazzy and professional. Who knew?

Over the past few weeks, Jake has become a manager, marketer, and therapist rolled into one. There’s something gratifying about having my Marketing and Website teams working to promote my debut novel, A Reluctant Spy, and its coming sequel, The Fourth Woman.

Will Jake solve the Amazon ads problem? I’m not holding my breath, even though he and the team are still on it.

Am I famous yet?

Rest assured, Jake is on it.